I had no idea where to start and reading about all the successful ladies out there has only made me feel like a failure. I know it’s wrong of me to think that way but it’s something I can’t help… so here goes.. I am 23 years old , single with no kids.. I recently had been involved with guy whom I loved to death and would do anything for.. we had the best relationship every girl could dream of having ‘least I thought it was’… We faced some really challenging times together and most of the time we would get through it until the final blow….
After dating for a year my ex had to move to a different city perusing his career. We had both agreed that this was best for our future. We knew it was going to be difficult but would try to make it work. I could not leave my job as I was on my second year of studying and needed my income to pay for my studies. We saw each other every 4 months in the beginning and gradually it went to 6 months. This started to become difficult and we both could feel the pressure and strain it was causing on our relationship. We fought about everything and anything. My ex had then proposed to me in an attempt to try and save our relationship. I loved him dearly so I accepted. Three months later we had the biggest engagement party, which was the ‘talk of the town’. A month after the engagement and we were back to fighting. Sex had become an issue as he felt I should have done more for him. Long distance relationships are never easy and satisfying your partners sexual desires is always a challenging issue for many. I was a very shy and conservative women. I never displayed any signs of love and affection towards my partner in public.
While traveling to different countries and cities for work, my ex would often Skype me so that he could feel closer to me. He would ask me to flash my boobs or get naked for him. He would say he is a man and has needs. I should feel lucky that he isn’t watching porn or touching other women, instead he wants to see me and expects me to do this for him after all we were engaged. I refused to do so and that created more problems between us.
He had then told his mother the reasons for our fights. His mum had called me to explain the importance of keeping my man satisfied and why I should do this for him or else I would lose him. I had no one to talk to about this as I am the only child and my mum is a single parent. I had listened to his mum and followed her advice. I become open to the idea of undressing infront of him while being on skype and every now and then I would send him nudes when he asked for them. During his visit he would take his own pics of me. Most of the time I was unaware of what he was doing.
After doing all that for him, I had caught him cheating on me with a married women. When I had confronted him, he became violent and hit me. I screamed and his brother managed to pull me out the room.
That was when I decided to leave him. We had ended the relationship and I was to be blamed for him cheating on me according to his family. It was because I had never sexually satisfied him while he was away.
I had thought it was over as I never heard from him again. 6 Months after the break up I started receiving calls from men asking me for sex. I thought it was a prank call. Then I had received a call from an old school friend asking me if I was aware of the naked images of myself on a porn website. I was in complete shock. I had no idea that he had done this to me. I would have never imagined that he would do that to me. He had denied everything saying that his laptop was stolen and had no idea who had done that. My name and phone number was on that website with my pictures.
My entire life fell apart from that day. He had called every company I worked for informing my bosses about the internet incident and saying that I was bringing the company name to disrepute. I had to resign from my job every time as I could not face anyone. I am unemployed and never leave my home cos I don’t want to be seen…
It’s been 4 years now and my ex still threatens me. I can’t live or do anything anymore. I thought about committing suicide but I see my mums face every time I think of doing it. He always tells me that if he couldn’t have me then No1 would and he won’t stop doing this to me until I kill myself. I had used all my savings and investments to hire lawyers, cops and investigators to try and help me but I had no luck. My ex comes from a very wealthy family and his parents buy their way through everything.
I will never be able to become someone’s wife or become a mother. All my hopes and dreams have been shattered.
I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone not even an enemy.